Wheat free but not gluten free

This is a list of my favorite things that are wheatless but NOT gluten free. I am a case of true wheat allergy. No celiac here. I can eat barley, malt, and rye with no adverse effects.

1) ALL Bobo Bars


They have some that are also GF, but I don't even notice which ones I grab, because they are all wheatless! Sweet.

2) Rice Krispies - the normal ones

They use malt syrup - aka gluten badness. But I don't have to think about anything but my waistline (and how clean someone's hands were when they were making it) when I pick up a rice krispie treat. Yummy.

3) Lindt chocolate

I was initially sad when I found out that Lindt was not GF, as I thought that it meant that I was out of luck in the truffle love department. However, when I recently received a box of gourmet truffles from a neighbor, I decided to dig a bit into the interwebs and what did I find??? Wheat, my nemesis, was not the culprit. It was barley malt extract. Oh my stars! Yay!

4) Mestemacher Bread

Mestemacher Bread Three Grain, 17.6-Ounce (Pack of 6)

German bread made with: Whole Kernel Rye, Water, Wholemeal Rye Flour, Oat Kernels, Barley Kernels, Linseed, Salt, Oat Fiber, Sesame, Yeast.
If I want whole grains, I can get them.  And I happen to like the taste of rye bread, so this works for me. Toasted with butter it fills the need for something warm and crunchy. 
Ok. That's about it. There are probably more that I can't remember, but those are the favorites for now. Ciao. 

Soft, Berry-licious, Cinnamony, and Rolled

I am a really long winded recipe describer)
the super soft dough:

2 cups whole milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup sugar
2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast
4 cup flour
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

the gooey filling:

6oz berries - I used half blueberries and half blackberries
1/4 cup (ish) berry preserves - I used french black raspberry preserves that I happened to have on hand
the juice of a small lime (half a lemon would work too)
a few tablespoons of flour

"dry" filling:

dollops of soft butter
brown sugar

what I put on top:
marshmallow fluff - Oh, yes I did! (I didn't have any powdered sugar to make icing, and didn't have cream cheese either, but there was a need for a frosting of some kind and marshmallow fluff worked)


warm milk slowly in the microwave in a big microwave safe bowl
you want it to be warm, not really "hot", because you will be dissolving the oil+sugar+yeast in it
when you think that it's the right temperature,go ahead and do that, add them to the milk 
wisk it all together and then leave it to sit for a few minutes 

while you are waiting, get out a saucepan and put in all of the stuff for the gooey filling, except for the flour, you won't know how much of that you need for a bit, ok??
mash up that berry, jam, lime mixture as you have it on MED/ LOW on the stove
bubble bubble
mix in a few tablespoons of flour
and remove from heat and just leave it sitting there until you need it later
that really only should have taken a few minutes to make, right?

back to the dough
add 4 cups of flour
cover with a clean kitchen towel and place somewhere warmish and not drafty and where no curious kids or dogs are going to mess with it for an entire hour - 1 whole hour!

-now the funny part-
wash your hands
resolve yourself that they will be getting messy and rinsed off a bunch
take the dough and sprinkle the rest of the dough ingredients onto it
(that is, more flour, bp, bs, salt)
then mix them in with your hands

grease a 9x13 baking pan
divide the dough in half
roll the first half out into a big ol' thin rectangle - use a little extra flour to help
isn't the dough soft? I love it
add about half of the gooey mix on top
then sprinkle on a bunch of cinnamon and brown all over
dollop bits of soft butter
and then get your hands really messy mixing it all together 

rinse off your hands

roll the rectangle as tight as you can into a big gooey, messy, long roll
try to keep as much of the filling in as possible
cut into 1in pieces and place into the baking pan

Do it all again!
they will all just barely fit into the pan. it's great.

wash your hands, again

cover the rolls and let sit for 30 minutes - sorry, it matters

bake at 375 for 20ish minutes - check them around 18 -I live at high altitude and have a gas oven, so you should really, um, not believe that your oven is like mine

while they are still warm, spread marshmallow fluff all over them, about an entire jar is about enough
then lightly sprinkle with a little more cinnamon - 'cause it's pretty

Coconut Rocky Road NoBake Piles of NomNomNom - these are definitely no longer Paleo

I started with this recipe here.
I think that she even found the recipe elsewhere.
I messed with it. Like I does.

I added vanilla.
and salt
and marshmallows!!
and mixed up the fat combination

and they are goo-oood!

Oh, and they don't have any peanuts, so bonus if you have an allergy?


1/3 cup honey
1/3 cup mixed healthy oils (I used a blend of coconut oil, olive oil and some Earth Balance)
1 cup dark chocolate chips
1/2 cup almond butter
1 pinch of salt (I have low blood pressure, so I need to add salt to everything)

-- Melt all of the above together in a medium saucepan on medium low--
-- Remove from heat--
--Stir in--

1 splash of vanilla (no I didn't measure the vanilla, do you actually measure the vanilla??)


1 cup shredded coconut (I used sweetened, cause it is what I had)
1 cup almonds (use whatever nut you have)
1 T cinnamon (Yes, you do need the cinnamon. It does make a difference)


--Looks too thin right?--


1 big ol' handful of mini marshmallows (no, I didn't measure those either. no, it doesn't really matter how many you add. Just stir them in until it looks right. You aren't going to mess it up.)

--Drop by big spoonfuls onto parchment or wax paper or whatever isn't going to stick lined baking sheet or plate or whatever will fit in your fridge--


the original recipe said 30 minutes - mine took longer than that. you could try the freezer if you are desperate 


And leave me a comment!

Baby Shower ideas

A while back I threw some baby showers - here are some ideas for you, if you want.

Take ANYTHING mom already has for baby's room if it matches the decor of the party (make things easier on yourself and plan the color scheme of the party around the baby's room).
Also borrow any clothes that baby has already been given that match the theme and any gifts that you will be giving and hang them up as decorations. Two birds with one stone!

miniature marshmallows cut diagonally & rolled in colored sugar make great flowers on cupcakes! just adhere with frosting. you can make your own colored sugar with sugar and food coloring - organic sugar makes more "natural" colors. white sugar makes bright colors.

a chair and ottoman as a gift from family members - add a bow and it is the perfect place for mommy to sit and open presents.

Cupcake display - flowers everywhere!
the mums are inexpensive in the autumn and simply potted and wrapped in pink tulle.

Some of my best ideas

spice rack re-purposed as homework supply rack
this thing is portable, thanks to its little handle up top
and it is turn-able because my old spice rack was lazy susan style
the only things that didn't fit well were the scissors. 
they are contained in an old tp roll, with the glue sticks next to them  

roasting rack becomes cabinet organizer!!!
I only use my big roasting rack a few times a year, like Thanksgiving.
other than that it just takes up space. not anymore!
now it keeps my frying pans, lids, and griddle plates vertical and easy to reach.

when I bought a wall mounted paper towel holder, I was left with this old one, which was just begging to be put to good use
and so, daily coffee mug holder was born. this tree of mugs sits right next to my coffeemaker on the counter and frees up a TON of space in the cabinet

for the love of crafts

1 board (the back insert of a large unused frame)
a Sharpie
a button

a picture frame with glass
scrapbook paper
white paper + your best hand writing
a dry erase pen

this one I'll tell you about another time
since these brown paper packages are a gift for someone who might peek at this blog

a metal basket thing I already had
a pink box to keep "already received" notes/drawings 
from kiddos or loved ones all in one place
fabric hearts from the craft store for $0.45! 
(I wrote on the back "Jesus loves you" with a Sharpie)
the white flower heart from our wedding (it used to be part of the ring pillow thing) 
a family place to put love notes!

this cost me NOTHING!!

the metal "Love" tag I already had
1 old picture frame
old t-shirt strips
burlap roses
coat hanger heart covered in
more strips of white shirt then made PINK with watercolors
and hung with twine
= a front door "wreath"

what sensory processing disorder feels like

Preface - this is less how I currently feel and more how I have felt in the past. That said...

getting into a car with heat running...

Sometimes even just when there is no air conditioning on, it feels like instantly having your face covered by many people's hands. Not just your face, though. Your neck and throat and scalp and ears, too. Even the insides of your ears and nose. Would you like it very much if as soon as you sat in a car, some dozen people covered most of your exposed body with the soft but unyielding and enveloping pressure their hands? Probably not..

But then, the anxiety gets compounded by the accompanying confusion. No is there actually touching you. You know that. The assault is only in your mind, right? It's really hard to know. The senses say that poor unsuspecting you is being pressured by warmth. Those same senses tell you that you are quite unable to banish this imposing force by the power of your will. Anxiety and adrenaline begin to rise. Fear begins to build. Fight or flight response is building. Something must be done. Surely no one could be expected to calmly and indefinitely continue to live calmly and peacefully when such an unseen nemesis is pressing on their face, eyes, and breath.  But what could possibly be done?

By this point a couple of seconds have ticked by. The car has probably started to move and others are beginning 'normal' behavior. Your ability to choose "flight" is gone. New, almost debilitating, panics arise. Am I the only one feeling like this? How long will I be stuck like this? What if the cause of the attack cannot be found? Think! Think! Ok! You already established that there aren't a dozen people touching you. What is warm and touching you? Nothing! You should be able to see something that feels like this. Ok. It is going to have to be something you can't see. What can't you see that is warm?
Another second. More pressure on yourself to figure it out. Other people may be wondering what's wrong with you at this point. The answer may be rising to the surface of your mind. You now know what to fight. But a new dilemma arises. The answer is "the heat that is on in the car". You can't just punch something like that in the face or scream at it to stop. Social norms and politeness do not allow for it. You are going to have to do better than that. So you muster up all of your courage, still feeling the attack in every nanosecond, wishing that you could catch your breath. Knowing that you would be able to think so much better, so much clearer, if only you could.

"Could you please turn that off?" you say. What a relief. You finally managed it. A question even. with a "please". Yes, perhaps there was an edge in your voice. But you refrained from violence. Perhaps you should be given a medal. Or at least a cookie.

"Turn what off?" comes the reply.

Oh dear. They don't understand. You were so close.

"The heat. I can't breathe and it's in my face," you plea.

"It's freezing."

"Will you just turn it off?" Your tone of voice will now betray you. The battle against the heater may be won, but a new one has formed in its place. Now you are seen as a bit "odd" or "picky" or "crabby". Your car ride is definitely thrown off. You may have hurt the feelings of a friend and your own may be hurt as well. You don't feel like you have been taken care of. Not only that, but the problem isn't fixed. People will still want the heat on in the car. You might as well. But the assault will be waiting.

only a Christian can answer it

Recently, someone I barely know, an athiest, privately posed a question to me on Facebook. It was this:
"here is my question but only a Christian can answer it, because I don't believe in your God or follow your, does that mean I'm going to Hell? If so then why?"

This was my response:
When God created mankind, he created them in his own image, unlike any other being in all of creation, even different from the angels. We have the ability and the purpose to choose and express love. God himself is love. But love is no love if it is forced or stolen. That is where the choices come in, the freewill part. When God created people, he opened himself up for ultimate joy and ultimate rejection. God does not want for any person to be separated from Him for eternity. 2 Peter 3:9 says that he is “not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” But this verse is not an explanation of how he makes people do what he wants; instead, the first half is explaining about how his people shouldn’t worry about the fact that he seems to be taking his time – he’s showing his “longsuffering”, his patience, for those who he so much cares for and wants to choose him.

There is an analogy in the Bible about believers being “espoused” (like engaged) to Christ. This is another picture of love, the bride and the bridegroom. They know each other. He has asked for her hand. She needs to be rescued. Oh, how she needs it. This bride (humanity) is already in the clutches of hell, it belongs to it from birth. Romans 5 says that death entered the world through sin and that death passed upon all men for all have sinned. “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (– Who does that?) “Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.”

In short, --name deleted--, the answer to the ‘why’ part is Jesus. “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father but by me.” John 14:6 He has already in his amazing love given us so much more than we ever ever deserve. The price was so high. God gives us a way to life. 1 way. Because he loved us.

what does it mean - legalism

OK, so this is a post that makes me a little nervous. Almost no one wants to be called "legalistic." It is a dirty and painful word in Christianity. I was not really sure if I should do this one first or do "judge" first. This one is a bit simpler, though. So I will start here, I think.

Legalism to me means 2 things.

1. To take on the law of the Old Testament or any other works to attempt to achieve or keep salvation from hell and eternal life - this was bought only by the precious blood of Christ Jesus and can only be received in faith. (Gal 2:16)

2. To go beyond the abundant principles clearly laid out in God's Word when one is either zealously maintaining their own good works or provoking another Christian unto good works in their own walk or run with the Lord (Heb 10:24, Tts 3:8, 2 Tim 3:17, 1 Pet 2:12) AND THEN passing those extras off as if they were the Word of God.
Want examples?
"Women shalt not wear pants" - that's totally not in the Bible.
 "If you ever have a sip of alcohol, you must not be a Christian" - nope.
"A good Christian mother would homeschool her children." - can't find the verse on that one either
"Christian's don't dance", "All music with drums is from Satan"

However however however (and this is the part that might get me in trouble)

I do NOT think that it is legalism to say that obeying the many many commandments and principles that ARE in Scripture, especially the words of Christ and the ones laid specifically out for Christians in the New Testament, is to do things that please God. And that when we do disobey, when we choose with our actions, our words, and our lives, to let sin and our old man have even for a moment the place that God deserves that God is not pleased with us. God does not reward or ignore this. He does not look at us as we might someone another person, thinking, "Perhaps they didn't really mean it. Maybe they are just tired today, or confused, frustrated. They did the wrong thing, but maybe they did it for the right reasons." Indeed no. God Almighty is the one and only knower of every part of our being. We cannot hide from Him. He is just and he is good and he does not have the psychological hang ups that make us want to make excuses for each other (when we want excuses for ourselves or we don't really want to have to go through with holding the other person accountable).

He is so good, in fact, that He does not desire for us to stay the sinners we come to him as. More than that, it isn't just that He wants us to grow up, he actually participates in the process. In this way, our Saviour becomes the very best Father. In His love for us, He chastens us. (Heb 12:6-10) In case you didn't know, chastening means inflicting suffering for the purpose of moral improvement. Ouch. Much like how he would not sit idly by while the entirety of the world went into eternity with only one destination - hell; He also does not sit idly by as his own children act in ways that are against Him. His ways are perfect. His ways are life. But he is truly a gentleman. Just as He does not force eternal life on those who choose not to believe, so too will he not force a lovingly accountable relationship on a Christian either. You never have to take the chastening and change. That is always your own choice. But don't fool yourself.

We should be making our bodies a living sacrifice. There are a plenty of shoulds and should nots for Christians in God's Word. And I believe, NO, I KNOW that the consequences faltering on them are NOT the loss of Salvation. That is paid, it is done. That work is finished. We belong to Him and nobody steals from Him. The consequences of faltering without change on the real true things (refer to number 2 if you forget what some not real things are) are real consequences though. We do not lose the gift of salvation, but we may lose intimacy with God. We certainly will to some degree for as long as we stay in our sins. Perhaps as long as we live, if we chose. We also might be ashamed or embarrased. Paul told Timothy, "Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear." 1 Tim 5:20. Some Christians fall so far into heresy and sinfulness that their brethren must separate from them.

"But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat." 1 Cor 5:11

((FYI - there will be a whole other blog post about 'separate' at some point - fun fun fun, right?))
When we open our spiritual eyes, through the Fear of God, we can see His chastening even in the seemingly natural consequences of our sin. Our lies find us out. Our unkind words mean that we lose an close frienship. A moment of selfishness becomes a missed opportunity. A door is closed. Trust is broken.

Additionally, living a life of without a true Fear of God, never knowing the one who sees us outside and in and will not let us get away with any of it - His Love and His Holiness towards us are too great - to live that life not ever having that Fear is to not know God. And however can we really deeply truly love One that we refuse to know?

addendum to worship - to bless

*** I made a few additions and changes to the end of the "what does it mean - worship" post ***
***check them out if you want***
*this here is just some more thoughts*

"Lift up your hands in the sanctuary, and bless the LORD. " Psalm 134:2

"I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting."  1 Timothy 2:8

"Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name." Psalm 63:4

"Every day will I bless thee; and I will praise thy name for ever and ever." Psalm 145:2

"Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and thing in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:9-11

It is absolutely amazing to me that by simply raising our hands and acknowledging His great name, we bless God Almighty! Praise Jesus!

what does it mean - worship

I don't think that each and every song that is sung from the heart of a believer to the Lord must meet always meet the exact definition of "worship" or "praise." I think that there is space in spiritual music for learning (many Sunday School Bible Songs come to mind), for example. And for the pouring out of one's heart and soul to God Almighty. We have the Psalms to look to for an example of this.

Col 3:16 "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."

I do think, however, that "worship" is another word that should not applied so generally to music that it may or may not apply to. To worship means to adore, respect, venerate, be in awe of, honor. To worship someone puts the focus on the person being worshipped, not on the person who is praising. To expound on the amazing qualities of God and stand in awe of His glory is a great thing. When we read worshipful sections of the Bible, we are often brought away from the narratives, away from the teller of the story, away from the world. Worship is not about the experience of worship. It is not about what it does to the person. It is tempting to get caught in that creation, the feelings that accompany true worship. Just as it has been tempting for many to be caught in worshiping any part of the creation rather than the Creator.

But to sing a song about the experience of "worship" and then call that song "praise" or "worship".... this seems to be inaccurate and bizarre. More than that, wouldn't it make it much more difficult to recognize real worship? What exactly is that point of this? Aren't we supposed to be watchful, diligent, and mindful?

"God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth." John 4:24
Truth should permeate worship: in it's content, in it's categorization, in the spirits of the worshippers.

Psalm 29 and Psalm 96 are really amazing examples of this.

what does it mean - righteous & holy

*side notes- I am in no ways attempting to make a full study of these words or ideas in any of these posts. I am merely telling you how I have seen them misused among Christians and how I believe that it would be appropriate to be more mindful and responsible.
** "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment." Matthew 12:36
** Also, "The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness." Proverbs 15:2. I HAVE BEEN A FOOL WITH FOOLISHNESS POURING OUT OF MY MOUTH MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT!! None of these posts are meant to be an "I am better than you if you are doing these things." They are, however, particular ways in which my own foolishness does not seem to be landing at the moment and that I do have thoughts on. Take them or leave them.
** All of this is in no way meant to be a condemnation (<-that may be a word I have to define at some point) or  personal attack.
** Discussion Welcome

righteous and holy are very large words - they are words that apply most perfectly and truly to God himself.
There are many dictionaries out there, but the clearest definitions I could find were these:

Righteous ==  Just; accordant to the divine law. Applied to persons, it denotes one who is holy in heart, and observant of the divine commands in practice; as a righteous man. Applied to things, it denotes consonant to the divine will or to justice; as a righteous act. It is used chiefly in theology, and applied to God, to his testimonies and to his saints.

Holy ==  Properly, whole, entire or perfect, in a moral sense. Hence, pure in heart, temper or dispositions; free from sin and sinful affections. Applied to the Supreme Being, holy signifies perfectly pure, immaculate and complete in moral character; and man is more or less holy, as his heart is more or less sanctified, or purified from evil dispositions. We call a man holy,when his heart is conformed in some degree to the image of God, and his life is regulated by the divine precepts. Hence, holy is used as nearly synonymous with good, pious, godly.

Holy also has another definition == 2. Hallowed; consecrated or set apart to a sacred use, or to the service or worship of God; a sense frequent in Scripture; as the holy sabbath; holy oil; holy vessels; a holy nation; the holy temple; a holy priesthood.

And yet, so often I hear people who have achieved authority, prominence, or notice within the Christian community referred to with these words. It makes me wonder. Do people really think that the teachers, bloggers, authors, speakers, and pastors so admired really are  "just, observant of divine commands, entire and perfect, pious - or even set apart for sacred use"? Do they even really think that about the teachings of those people?

And if that opinion, the opinion that what the admired/respected says or does is in fact righteous or holy, would not that also mean that there are a tremendous amount of other complimentary words that one could use that would not tread upon the grounds of possible falsehood? After all, "Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest." - Revelation 15:4 (the Greek word translated "holy" here would seem to refer to the first definition)  Additionally, hearts are slippery things. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings." Jeremiah 17:9-10. You will probably find me using these verses frequently as it is they are what spring up in my mind when someone seems to be rather generous in their assessment of any human heart. Knowing that God tells me that hearts are deceitful makes me think that they are very few of them that are likely to be actively and consistently showing righteousness or holiness. And that even if they did, I am unlikely to be the one who can "know it."

what does it mean - Revelation

I will start with the simplest one - Revelation
It is "Revelation", not "Revelations" - it is the Revelation of Jesus Christ
This seems to be carelessness on the part of many who presume to know much more important things.
"He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much." Luke 16:10

what does it mean

I am, in fact, actually planning on blogging at some point. Haven't quite been sure about what to write about, though. The current idea is something along the lines of of a list of some Christian-ish words that I seem to be coming across quite frequently. Each time I do, I am struck by the enormity of how poorly these words are used. Indeed, it would seem that many people do not want to use them properly at all. Or perhaps I hold these words to a different standard. Here is the list so far - blogs to follow:


Things I wish that someone had explained to me when I was younger.

1) You cannot completely control pain, but you kinda can. It is a lie to say that "if you don't think about it, it will just go away." Because even something as small as a scratch on your finger WILL PROBABLY keep hurting you for a while, even if you busy yourself with other things. You do have the option to increase your pain. You can make it far worse. Your mind is powerful and strong and very very connected to your body (actually, physically connected!) and your heart when it comes to increasing your pain. If you tell yourself that you are in even more pain, then you will be. It is not, however, "all in your head" any more than speaking a sentence is all in your head. Sure, it started there. But the sentence was spoken and became real. So too with the pain. And once you create it, you can't take it back. So, be careful with your mind and your thoughts. Because YOU can take the pain you never wanted and recklessly take it further than it ever needed to go. Or you could not. No one else can choose for you, though. And don't expect the pain to "just go away."

fresh bacony creamed corn

all amounts are approximate, cause that's how I roll

dice up and saute 4 thick slices of bacon
at some point add 1 finely chopped yellow onion
and eventually one finely chopped medium carrot
salt and pepper too (and also some garlic powder)
then add the kernels from 4 ears of fresh corn
- we used white and the cobs were pretty big, this is your call on amount
after saute-ing for a few minutes on medium heat with a bit more s&p, add about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of heavy cream, as nuch as seems appropriate. I probably used the larger amount.
simmer and stir as it thickens for just a minute or so.
remove from heat
mix in some fresh chives before serving

may play

May has always been one of my favorite months. It might be because of my birthday. It might be because of the promise of summertime and the sight of tiny green things sprouting out of the ground. Anyway, I LOVE May! And I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I know that by sheer force of will I cannot make force my body to be healthy and whole and well. But there are a lot of things that I know I can try to do for myself to help. Sometimes, though, I just get weary of the overwhelming nature of chronic pain. The long term can start to get me down and I don't always feel like overcoming today. I am often in search of answers. I am often in search of feeling better. I think about the Scripture in 2 Corinthians when Paul speaks of his infirmities, his thorn in the flesh, and how he sought the Lord thrice to take it from him.
I don't often get past the "feeling better" and "answers" parts in my thinking. But the other day, I did. I asked myself what I would want want to do or be if I wasn't stopped by the pains. And there is certainly a long list of a variety of individual things. But it boiled down to enjoying the life that God has so richly blessed me with more than I am now. And then I thought, "well, I could just do that now, even though it's harder than I want it to be." And so, I am giving myself the month of May to do so. May, in all of it's hope an play anyway. Many birthdays, Mother's Day, Kindergarten Graduation, Wedding Anniversary, Warmer Weather, Planting Seeds and Plants in rich soil, a brand new beach cruiser bicycle to help me feel like I am 7 years old again, the bittersweet memory of the baby that was lost almost 4 years ago, only 7 weeks developed in my womb. May. In this month of May, my pain of any kind is going to remind me. Remind me to get to my knees, to go wash my dishes, to play, to try a new recipe, to go outside, to do well, to be well.

soft gluten free no-bake chocolate covered nutty oat bars

No. I did not write down amounts. sorry. I will approximate.

In a big pot, melt a stick of butter with a big scoop of peanut butter (maybe 1/4 cup), a teaspoon of molasses, a splash of canola oil, honey (1/2 cup-ish), and brown rice syrup (1/2 cup-ish).
When it starts bubbling add about a tsp of vanilla and stir in several cups of quick cooking gluten free oats and roughly ground quinoa.

Allow to cook on low for a few minutes, stirring constantly until the quinoa isn't quite so hard. If you feel like adding nuts or dried fruit, now is the time.
Press into a greased pan. Top with Nestle Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips. Smooth them out when they melt, then refrigerate the whole thing.
the health saga continues
a new primary care doctor
a rheumatologist
a new supplement
at least 1 new med, and maybe one less one
blood drawn

we'll see

small rant

I really don't mind that most songs are poetry set to music. Often the words and their meanings are vague and image filled. Songs do not have to fit into prose style. I get that. But sometimes, songwriters do indeed use prose storytelling type sentences in their lyrics. In these cases, I think that the words should at least kinda make sense. One song that has been completely ruined for me due to the asinine nature of the lyrics is Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." A repeating line in the song is "maybe next time he'll think before he cheats." At first glance, I get her meaning. What she MEANS is that maybe the consequences of his current decision to cheat (a vandalized car thanks to a rather angry woman) will give him pause and something more to consider the next time he is deciding whether or not to cheat; she says this assuming that his busted car may even make him stop cheating. But that is not actually what she says. What she actually says is that maybe next time maybe he will think about his wrecked car and then go ahead and cheat anyway. That's dumb.

And what it shows is a complete lack of respect and understanding of a couple of other simular phrases. 1 - Look before you leap - the purpose of looking being that you can see what is below you and plan your landing accordingly.  Know what you are getting into. Not so that you can avoid it, but so that you can do it better. 2 - Think before you speak - the purpose of thinking being so that when you actually do speak (which if perfectly fine for you to do), your words are well chosen. Go ahead - Leap! Speak! just get knowledge so that you can do them both well. Think before you cheat does not fit into this pattern at all. Miss Underwood is certainly meaning to say that he should go ahead and cheat in the future, but to do it with more thought and care so that his car doesn't get trashed again. And yet, that is exactly what she does say.
That's dumb.

notes to myself

replace the lost pillow - the one you are using in the "meantime' isn't that good and 2 months is too long

no matter how late it is, if you are really hungry, eat something - if you don't, you will not sleep well

buy a super comfy nude bra - it isn't going to look as cute as the lacy polka dotted ones, but you need it, do not talk yourself out of this one

a walk truly can help a headache or stomach ache

you stink at getting the roots on the underside of your hair colored well when you color your own hair - try harder

eat something before going to a party - there may not be anything significant for you to eat there


Have you ever wondered much about how others see you? I don't mean the "what do they think of me? do I look silly? am I liked? do I fit in?" anxiety that all of us women go through. Our struggles to be liked, loved, and accepted are pervasive and nearly universal. But that's not what I am asking about today. What I am talking about is a little different. Do you ever hear your voice recorded and then think, "that's not how I sound, is it?" Or seen yourself on video and remembered the situations and conversations just a little differently than how the tape portrays? I have had these "huh" moments many times in my life, and usually I let them go very quickly. My mind gets absorbed in the everyday goings on and worries that are never in short supply. The idea that I "sound funny" when recorded is simply brushed aside as a common experience with the rest of humanity. We all sound  a little different inside our own heads, right?

But for some reason, this time..... this time it stuck. Last week, I watched a short video of me shaving my husband's head for charity. (Hooray for St. Baldrick's!) and realized how different I seemed that what my experience had been. And it got me thinking. Maybe the thinking came from the fact that the next day I got to go for an 8 hour drive to Kansas for a funeral and then present myself to people that I hardly knew. Maybe my mind is just finally ready to start dealing with this part of me. I don't really know.

I asked Corey the other night what 3 words other people would probably use to describe me. His answer was: Outgoing, Intelligent, and Warm Hearted. We also talked about how I have a rather "dusky" voice and tone that give off the vibe of confidence. But I am, in fact, not very confident at all. Outgoing? yes. Friendly? you bet. Assured? ha! I actually find myself straining at the seams of my own insecurities and vulnerability. So often I am so unsure of my own ability to express myself and be known. Self-doubt becomes a tendency to repeat myself, to clarify, and to seek out external validation. I know all of that is going on inside of me now. That's huge for me. And it has taken a long time to get me to even this point.

Then I start to wonder about what happens when all of these things collide. What happens when the confidence I unwittingly give off gets mixed in with the compensation for my self-doubt? Pushy, overbearing, manipulative, know-it-all, demanding. Ick. Ick. Ick. Certainly this is not how I seem to all people at all times. I get that. The pessimism is not so bad as to think that I am that pervasively unattractive. But knowing this clears up some confusion in my life. I know that people have felt at times (my husband included) that they are being subjected to these things from me. But I was always exceedingly confused by the idea of it. Because none of these things come from the vulnerable side that I walk with every moment of every day. The "me" I know is different..

So, what does it all mean? I am not really sure yet. For now what it means is that I am far more aware that people are likely to perceive me as more confident than I am. That being known is an uphill battle. That maybe my outside and my inside are not as matched as I thought. That maybe I need more grace and patience both with myself and with everyone else.
Today is the day that "Tangled" is released on DVD.
Buy it!

no pain

we women do some very strange things for our health and beauty
I am no exception - poor men do not get it
want to know some of my favorites?
 - dry body brushing
 - mud masks
 - honey and olive oil hair treatments
 - plucking. oh so much plucking
 - nail stickers on my toesies


How I can tell that spring has sprung

1- I just washed my own car in my driveway, barefoot. It's still a little dirty, but an entire winter's worth of dirt is a lot to get off in one go.

2- The hyacinth bulbs in my window are growing. Yay!

3- Seed starting!!!

4- my grass needs to be watered. it is turning green in places

5- my strawberries, parsley, and chives are greening up already

6- open windows

That is all for now


is it 3 strikes you're out or 3rd time is a charm?
I guess we will find out, won't we?

My ears were pierced first when I was 10 years old. And it did not go great. they hurt and were irritated for months and months. And then I finally took out the earrings for like a day and the back of one of them closed up. There was no way super-sensitive Daphne was going to be letting anyone go pushing an earring through my inflamed, trying to heal skin. No ma'am. Not gonna happen. So my mom told me I would have to wait until I turned 13. And I did wait. I waited much longer than necessary. I waited until I was 21.

21 years old. Married for a year. Just graduated with my bachelor's degree in psych. a grown up. getting my ears pierced again. And it lasted much longer than the first time, over a year, in fact. It lasted until some point after my oldest son was born. I don't know when I took my earrings out. I do know why, though. Having a baby pulling on my ears was less than pleasant. The ears needed a fighting chance against the teeny tiny fingers of pain. Out they came. I figured that the nearly 18 months of pierced-ness would guarantee my tiny ear holes would stay in place, existing into my old age.

But no. It was not to be. My very rebellious right ear needed closure. Well, partial closure at least. Another closed back. Yay? Boo!

And then I waited. Again. Or maybe just resigned myself to the idea that maybe I simply needed to focus more energy on shoes or hair or something. I figured that my ears had probably both closed completely, a small chunk of subdermal scar tissue my only lasting remnant of my misguided adventures in this particular womanly ritual, the wearing of earrings.

Then a couple days ago, I was avoiding laundry and decided to see if I could get an earring into the hole, no problem. The right? Not so much. But I didn't give up, oh no, I did not give up. Out came a very sharp pin and then eventually a rather sharp pin. Studs have been placed neatly into my ears and are staying there for the foreseeable future. Will it last? Will I get to wear a pair of beautiful earrings on my 30th birthday in a couple years? Your guess is as good as mine. In the meantime, I am taking donations to my earring collection.


Has this seemed like a strange winter to anyone else? At least here in the foothills of the Rocky Mountians, we have not had the beautiful fluffy white snow permeating our lives as it often does. We have had plenty of cold, frigid even, days and icy roads making life miserable at times. Yet the feet of snow was kept at bay. The forecasters always seemed to think that we would get more than we ever did. Snow days are much less fun when there is just sheet ice.

And now we sit on the burgeoning edge of spring, waiting in eager expectation for our chance to go barefoot once again. To get our hands dirty and watch as God turns our part of the world green and warm. This precipice seems to test my patience and bring nostalgia. The wind still howls down the hills and through my yard, bringing neither snow nor thundershowers. The sunshine is deceptive, luring me outside then allowing a blast of cold to drive me back to the warmth of my coffee cup inside. And so we wait. With layered clothes on. I will wear a warm hat on my head and flip-flops on my painted toes. I will buy seeds to plant in a sunny window so that they can wait with me for their chance to go outside too.


Today, I decided to change the polish on my toesies.
This activity requires the removal of the old stuff, which usually means that there will be little bits and flecks of lint from whatever I use to rub it off. Toilet paper, paper towels, cotton balls. Whatever. This time, brilliance hit my little brain. There must be a better tool! Makeup wedges! I have a bunch of them under my sink (that I never use anymore, thanks to Bare Minerals). I gave them a try, and guess what? Best method ever. The wedge does not absorb the nail polish remover like paper products do, instead holding on to it nicely. I could even squish it into my nail to get the remover directly on. And 1 wedge was more than enough to get all the nail polish off of all 10 tootsies.

Oh, and the new color was a lime green for spring.
(and apparently St. Patrick's day, even though I hadn't planned that)
I thought I was better. It was 4 beautiful days of feeling "better", feeling like I could get a few things done. Like I might be climbing out of the pit of illness and into the land of the living.

And then my eye got all ouchie and red, and my throat started feeling scratchy and my sinuses got tight. Yesterday, after a couple days of creeping icky feelings, I went back to the doctor. It was exactly 2 weeks since I had been there last and had been told "you have influenza."

But this time it was different. This time, it's strep.

 Awesome. Just what I wanted. I was getting tired of the breathing and doing stuff anyway. Who needs that when you can have quarantine and penicillin, chicken broth and jello, tissues and tylenol? Can I be done now?


In case you were wondering how I am attacking my new friend, the influenza virus, I will let you know.
Black Elderberry Syrup
hydrogen peroxide drops in my ears
sinus rinses
lots of baths
Breathe Right strips
rest, fluids
lots of tissues.