the perky pessimist

for the love of crafts

2012-01-13T17:12:00.002-07:00

1 board (the back insert of a large unused frame)

burlap

staples

a Sharpie

glue

a button

a picture frame with glass

scrapbook paper

white paper + your best hand writing

a dry erase pen

this one I'll tell you about another time

since these brown paper packages are a gift for someone who might peek at this blog

a metal basket thing I already had

tulle

a pink box to keep "already received" notes/drawings

from kiddos or loved ones all in one place

fabric hearts from the craft store for $0.45!

(I wrote on the back "Jesus loves you" with a Sharpie)

the white flower heart from our wedding (it used to be part of the ring pillow thing)

a family place to put love notes!

this cost me NOTHING!!

the metal "Love" tag I already had

1 old picture frame

old t-shirt strips

burlap roses

coat hanger heart covered in

more strips of white shirt then made PINK with watercolors

and hung with twine

= a front door "wreath"

what sensory processing disorder feels like

2012-01-10T13:53:00.004-07:00

Preface - this is less how I currently feel and more how I have felt in the past. That said...

getting into a car with heat running...

Sometimes even just when there is no air conditioning on, it feels like instantly having your face covered by many people's hands. Not just your face, though. Your neck and throat and scalp and ears, too. Even the insides of your ears and nose. Would you like it very much if as soon as you sat in a car, some dozen people covered most of your exposed body with the soft but unyielding and enveloping pressure their hands? Probably not..

But then, the anxiety gets compounded by the accompanying confusion. No is there actually touching you. You know that. The assault is only in your mind, right? It's really hard to know. The senses say that poor unsuspecting you is being pressured by warmth. Those same senses tell you that you are quite unable to banish this imposing force by the power of your will. Anxiety and adrenaline begin to rise. Fear begins to build. Fight or flight response is building. Something must be done. Surely no one could be expected to calmly and indefinitely continue to live calmly and peacefully when such an unseen nemesis is pressing on their face, eyes, and breath. But what could possibly be done?

By this point a couple of seconds have ticked by. The car has probably started to move and others are beginning 'normal' behavior. Your ability to choose "flight" is gone. New, almost debilitating, panics arise. Am I the only one feeling like this? How long will I be stuck like this? What if the cause of the attack cannot be found? Think! Think! Ok! You already established that there aren't a dozen people touching you. What is warm and touching you? Nothing! You should be able to see something that feels like this. Ok. It is going to have to be something you can't see. What can't you see that is warm?
Another second. More pressure on yourself to figure it out. Other people may be wondering what's wrong with you at this point. The answer may be rising to the surface of your mind. You now know what to fight. But a new dilemma arises. The answer is "the heat that is on in the car". You can't just punch something like that in the face or scream at it to stop. Social norms and politeness do not allow for it. You are going to have to do better than that. So you muster up all of your courage, still feeling the attack in every nanosecond, wishing that you could catch your breath. Knowing that you would be able to think so much better, so much clearer, if only you could.

"Could you please turn that off?" you say. What a relief. You finally managed it. A question even. with a "please". Yes, perhaps there was an edge in your voice. But you refrained from violence. Perhaps you should be given a medal. Or at least a cookie.

"Turn what off?" comes the reply.

Oh dear. They don't understand. You were so close.

"The heat. I can't breathe and it's in my face," you plea.

"It's freezing."

"Will you just turn it off?" Your tone of voice will now betray you. The battle against the heater may be won, but a new one has formed in its place. Now you are seen as a bit "odd" or "picky" or "crabby". Your car ride is definitely thrown off. You may have hurt the feelings of a friend and your own may be hurt as well. You don't feel like you have been taken care of. Not only that, but the problem isn't fixed. People will still want the heat on in the car. You might as well. But the assault will be waiting.

only a Christian can answer it

2012-01-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

Recently, someone I barely know, an athiest, privately posed a question to me on Facebook. It was this:
"here is my question but only a Christian can answer it, because I don't believe in your God or follow your, does that mean I'm going to Hell? If so then why?"

This was my response:
When God created mankind, he created them in his own image, unlike any other being in all of creation, even different from the angels. We have the ability and the purpose to choose and express love. God himself is love. But love is no love if it is forced or stolen. That is where the choices come in, the freewill part. When God created people, he opened himself up for ultimate joy and ultimate rejection. God does not want for any person to be separated from Him for eternity. 2 Peter 3:9 says that he is “not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” But this verse is not an explanation of how he makes people do what he wants; instead, the first half is explaining about how his people shouldn’t worry about the fact that he seems to be taking his time – he’s showing his “longsuffering”, his patience, for those who he so much cares for and wants to choose him.

There is an analogy in the Bible about believers being “espoused” (like engaged) to Christ. This is another picture of love, the bride and the bridegroom. They know each other. He has asked for her hand. She needs to be rescued. Oh, how she needs it. This bride (humanity) is already in the clutches of hell, it belongs to it from birth. Romans 5 says that death entered the world through sin and that death passed upon all men for all have sinned. “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (– Who does that?) “Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.”

In short, --name deleted--, the answer to the ‘why’ part is Jesus. “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father but by me.” John 14:6 He has already in his amazing love given us so much more than we ever ever deserve. The price was so high. God gives us a way to life. 1 way. Because he loved us.

what does it mean - legalism

2011-10-04T22:17:00.000-06:00

OK, so this is a post that makes me a little nervous. Almost no one wants to be called "legalistic." It is a dirty and painful word in Christianity. I was not really sure if I should do this one first or do "judge" first. This one is a bit simpler, though. So I will start here, I think.

Legalism to me means 2 things.

1. To take on the law of the Old Testament or any other works to attempt to achieve or keep salvation from hell and eternal life - this was bought only by the precious blood of Christ Jesus and can only be received in faith. (Gal 2:16)

2. To go beyond the abundant principles clearly laid out in God's Word when one is either zealously maintaining their own good works or provoking another Christian unto good works in their own walk or run with the Lord (Heb 10:24, Tts 3:8, 2 Tim 3:17, 1 Pet 2:12) AND THEN passing those extras off as if they were the Word of God.
Want examples?
"Women shalt not wear pants" - that's totally not in the Bible.
"If you ever have a sip of alcohol, you must not be a Christian" - nope.
"A good Christian mother would homeschool her children." - can't find the verse on that one either
"Christian's don't dance", "All music with drums is from Satan"

However however however (and this is the part that might get me in trouble)

I do NOT think that it is legalism to say that obeying the many many commandments and principles that ARE in Scripture, especially the words of Christ and the ones laid specifically out for Christians in the New Testament, is to do things that please God. And that when we do disobey, when we choose with our actions, our words, and our lives, to let sin and our old man have even for a moment the place that God deserves that God is not pleased with us. God does not reward or ignore this. He does not look at us as we might someone another person, thinking, "Perhaps they didn't really mean it. Maybe they are just tired today, or confused, frustrated. They did the wrong thing, but maybe they did it for the right reasons." Indeed no. God Almighty is the one and only knower of every part of our being. We cannot hide from Him. He is just and he is good and he does not have the psychological hang ups that make us want to make excuses for each other (when we want excuses for ourselves or we don't really want to have to go through with holding the other person accountable).

He is so good, in fact, that He does not desire for us to stay the sinners we come to him as. More than that, it isn't just that He wants us to grow up, he actually participates in the process. In this way, our Saviour becomes the very best Father. In His love for us, He chastens us. (Heb 12:6-10) In case you didn't know, chastening means inflicting suffering for the purpose of moral improvement. Ouch. Much like how he would not sit idly by while the entirety of the world went into eternity with only one destination - hell; He also does not sit idly by as his own children act in ways that are against Him. His ways are perfect. His ways are life. But he is truly a gentleman. Just as He does not force eternal life on those who choose not to believe, so too will he not force a lovingly accountable relationship on a Christian either. You never have to take the chastening and change. That is always your own choice. But don't fool yourself.

We should be making our bodies a living sacrifice. There are a plenty of shoulds and should nots for Christians in God's Word. And I believe, NO, I KNOW that the consequences faltering on them are NOT the loss of Salvation. That is paid, it is done. That work is finished. We belong to Him and nobody steals from Him. The consequences of faltering without change on the real true things (refer to number 2 if you forget what some not real things are) are real consequences though. We do not lose the gift of salvation, but we may lose intimacy with God. We certainly will to some degree for as long as we stay in our sins. Perhaps as long as we live, if we chose. We also might be ashamed or embarrased. Paul told Timothy, "Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear." 1 Tim 5:20. Some Christians fall so far into heresy and sinfulness that their brethren must separate from them.

"But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat." 1 Cor 5:11

((FYI - there will be a whole other blog post about 'separate' at some point - fun fun fun, right?))
When we open our spiritual eyes, through the Fear of God, we can see His chastening even in the seemingly natural consequences of our sin. Our lies find us out. Our unkind words mean that we lose an close frienship. A moment of selfishness becomes a missed opportunity. A door is closed. Trust is broken.

Additionally, living a life of without a true Fear of God, never knowing the one who sees us outside and in and will not let us get away with any of it - His Love and His Holiness towards us are too great - to live that life not ever having that Fear is to not know God. And however can we really deeply truly love One that we refuse to know?

addendum to worship - to bless

2011-09-24T13:11:00.003-06:00

*** I made a few additions and changes to the end of the "what does it mean - worship" post ***

***check them out if you want***

*this here is just some more thoughts*

"Lift up your hands in the sanctuary, and bless the LORD. " Psalm 134:2

"I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting." 1 Timothy 2:8

"Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name." Psalm 63:4

"Every day will I bless thee; and I will praise thy name for ever and ever." Psalm 145:2

"Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and thing in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:9-11

It is absolutely amazing to me that by simply raising our hands and acknowledging His great name, we bless God Almighty! Praise Jesus!

what does it mean - worship

2011-09-23T21:56:00.000-06:00

I don't think that each and every song that is sung from the heart of a believer to the Lord must meet always meet the exact definition of "worship" or "praise." I think that there is space in spiritual music for learning (many Sunday School Bible Songs come to mind), for example. And for the pouring out of one's heart and soul to God Almighty. We have the Psalms to look to for an example of this.

Col 3:16 "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."

I do think, however, that "worship" is another word that should not applied so generally to music that it may or may not apply to. To worship means to adore, respect, venerate, be in awe of, honor. To worship someone puts the focus on the person being worshipped, not on the person who is praising. To expound on the amazing qualities of God and stand in awe of His glory is a great thing. When we read worshipful sections of the Bible, we are often brought away from the narratives, away from the teller of the story, away from the world. Worship is not about the experience of worship. It is not about what it does to the person. It is tempting to get caught in that creation, the feelings that accompany true worship. Just as it has been tempting for many to be caught in worshiping any part of the creation rather than the Creator.

But to sing a song about the experience of "worship" and then call that song "praise" or "worship".... this seems to be inaccurate and bizarre. More than that, wouldn't it make it much more difficult to recognize real worship? What exactly is that point of this? Aren't we supposed to be watchful, diligent, and mindful?

"God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth." John 4:24
Truth should permeate worship: in it's content, in it's categorization, in the spirits of the worshippers.

Psalm 29 and Psalm 96 are really amazing examples of this.

what does it mean - righteous & holy

2011-09-20T14:36:00.001-06:00

*side notes- I am in no ways attempting to make a full study of these words or ideas in any of these posts. I am merely telling you how I have seen them misused among Christians and how I believe that it would be appropriate to be more mindful and responsible.
** "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment." Matthew 12:36
** Also, "The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness." Proverbs 15:2. I HAVE BEEN A FOOL WITH FOOLISHNESS POURING OUT OF MY MOUTH MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT!! None of these posts are meant to be an "I am better than you if you are doing these things." They are, however, particular ways in which my own foolishness does not seem to be landing at the moment and that I do have thoughts on. Take them or leave them.
** All of this is in no way meant to be a condemnation (<-that may be a word I have to define at some point) or personal attack.
** Discussion Welcome

righteous and holy are very large words - they are words that apply most perfectly and truly to God himself.
There are many dictionaries out there, but the clearest definitions I could find were these:

Righteous == Just; accordant to the divine law. Applied to persons, it denotes one who is holy in heart, and observant of the divine commands in practice; as a righteous man. Applied to things, it denotes consonant to the divine will or to justice; as a righteous act. It is used chiefly in theology, and applied to God, to his testimonies and to his saints.

Holy == Properly, whole, entire or perfect, in a moral sense. Hence, pure in heart, temper or dispositions; free from sin and sinful affections. Applied to the Supreme Being, holy signifies perfectly pure, immaculate and complete in moral character; and man is more or less holy, as his heart is more or less sanctified, or purified from evil dispositions. We call a man holy,when his heart is conformed in some degree to the image of God, and his life is regulated by the divine precepts. Hence, holy is used as nearly synonymous with good, pious, godly.

Holy also has another definition == 2. Hallowed; consecrated or set apart to a sacred use, or to the service or worship of God; a sense frequent in Scripture; as the holy sabbath; holy oil; holy vessels; a holy nation; the holy temple; a holy priesthood.

And yet, so often I hear people who have achieved authority, prominence, or notice within the Christian community referred to with these words. It makes me wonder. Do people really think that the teachers, bloggers, authors, speakers, and pastors so admired really are "just, observant of divine commands, entire and perfect, pious - or even set apart for sacred use"? Do they even really think that about the teachings of those people?

And if that opinion, the opinion that what the admired/respected says or does is in fact righteous or holy, would not that also mean that there are a tremendous amount of other complimentary words that one could use that would not tread upon the grounds of possible falsehood? After all, "Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest." - Revelation 15:4 (the Greek word translated "holy" here would seem to refer to the first definition) Additionally, hearts are slippery things. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings." Jeremiah 17:9-10. You will probably find me using these verses frequently as it is they are what spring up in my mind when someone seems to be rather generous in their assessment of any human heart. Knowing that God tells me that hearts are deceitful makes me think that they are very few of them that are likely to be actively and consistently showing righteousness or holiness. And that even if they did, I am unlikely to be the one who can "know it."

what does it mean - Revelation

2011-09-14T09:35:00.000-06:00

I will start with the simplest one - Revelation
It is "Revelation", not "Revelations" - it is the Revelation of Jesus Christ
This seems to be carelessness on the part of many who presume to know much more important things.
"He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much." Luke 16:10

what does it mean

2011-09-13T19:14:00.000-06:00

I am, in fact, actually planning on blogging at some point. Haven't quite been sure about what to write about, though. The current idea is something along the lines of of a list of some Christian-ish words that I seem to be coming across quite frequently. Each time I do, I am struck by the enormity of how poorly these words are used. Indeed, it would seem that many people do not want to use them properly at all. Or perhaps I hold these words to a different standard. Here is the list so far - blogs to follow:

walk
grace
reconciliation
gifts
judgment
legalism
holy
worship
Revelation
righteous
subjection

Things I wish that someone had explained to me when I was younger.

2011-06-18T13:21:00.000-06:00

1) You cannot completely control pain, but you kinda can. It is a lie to say that "if you don't think about it, it will just go away." Because even something as small as a scratch on your finger WILL PROBABLY keep hurting you for a while, even if you busy yourself with other things. You do have the option to increase your pain. You can make it far worse. Your mind is powerful and strong and very very connected to your body (actually, physically connected!) and your heart when it comes to increasing your pain. If you tell yourself that you are in even more pain, then you will be. It is not, however, "all in your head" any more than speaking a sentence is all in your head. Sure, it started there. But the sentence was spoken and became real. So too with the pain. And once you create it, you can't take it back. So, be careful with your mind and your thoughts. Because YOU can take the pain you never wanted and recklessly take it further than it ever needed to go. Or you could not. No one else can choose for you, though. And don't expect the pain to "just go away."

fresh bacony creamed corn

2011-05-23T19:50:00.000-06:00

all amounts are approximate, cause that's how I roll

dice up and saute 4 thick slices of bacon
at some point add 1 finely chopped yellow onion
and eventually one finely chopped medium carrot
salt and pepper too (and also some garlic powder)
then add the kernels from 4 ears of fresh corn
- we used white and the cobs were pretty big, this is your call on amount
after saute-ing for a few minutes on medium heat with a bit more s&p, add about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of heavy cream, as nuch as seems appropriate. I probably used the larger amount.
simmer and stir as it thickens for just a minute or so.
remove from heat
mix in some fresh chives before serving

may play

2011-05-03T09:08:00.000-06:00

May has always been one of my favorite months. It might be because of my birthday. It might be because of the promise of summertime and the sight of tiny green things sprouting out of the ground. Anyway, I LOVE May! And I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I know that by sheer force of will I cannot make force my body to be healthy and whole and well. But there are a lot of things that I know I can try to do for myself to help. Sometimes, though, I just get weary of the overwhelming nature of chronic pain. The long term can start to get me down and I don't always feel like overcoming today. I am often in search of answers. I am often in search of feeling better. I think about the Scripture in 2 Corinthians when Paul speaks of his infirmities, his thorn in the flesh, and how he sought the Lord thrice to take it from him.
I don't often get past the "feeling better" and "answers" parts in my thinking. But the other day, I did. I asked myself what I would want want to do or be if I wasn't stopped by the pains. And there is certainly a long list of a variety of individual things. But it boiled down to enjoying the life that God has so richly blessed me with more than I am now. And then I thought, "well, I could just do that now, even though it's harder than I want it to be." And so, I am giving myself the month of May to do so. May, in all of it's hope an play anyway. Many birthdays, Mother's Day, Kindergarten Graduation, Wedding Anniversary, Warmer Weather, Planting Seeds and Plants in rich soil, a brand new beach cruiser bicycle to help me feel like I am 7 years old again, the bittersweet memory of the baby that was lost almost 4 years ago, only 7 weeks developed in my womb. May. In this month of May, my pain of any kind is going to remind me. Remind me to get to my knees, to go wash my dishes, to play, to try a new recipe, to go outside, to do well, to be well.

soft gluten free no-bake chocolate covered nutty oat bars

2011-04-22T15:27:00.001-06:00

No. I did not write down amounts. sorry. I will approximate.

In a big pot, melt a stick of butter with a big scoop of peanut butter (maybe 1/4 cup), a teaspoon of molasses, a splash of canola oil, honey (1/2 cup-ish), and brown rice syrup (1/2 cup-ish).
When it starts bubbling add about a tsp of vanilla and stir in several cups of quick cooking gluten free oats and roughly ground quinoa.

Allow to cook on low for a few minutes, stirring constantly until the quinoa isn't quite so hard. If you feel like adding nuts or dried fruit, now is the time.
Press into a greased pan. Top with Nestle Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips. Smooth them out when they melt, then refrigerate the whole thing.

2011-04-20T16:33:00.000-06:00

the health saga continues
a new primary care doctor
a rheumatologist
a new supplement
at least 1 new med, and maybe one less one
blood drawn
appointments

we'll see

small rant

2011-04-04T09:41:00.000-06:00

I really don't mind that most songs are poetry set to music. Often the words and their meanings are vague and image filled. Songs do not have to fit into prose style. I get that. But sometimes, songwriters do indeed use prose storytelling type sentences in their lyrics. In these cases, I think that the words should at least kinda make sense. One song that has been completely ruined for me due to the asinine nature of the lyrics is Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." A repeating line in the song is "maybe next time he'll think before he cheats." At first glance, I get her meaning. What she MEANS is that maybe the consequences of his current decision to cheat (a vandalized car thanks to a rather angry woman) will give him pause and something more to consider the next time he is deciding whether or not to cheat; she says this assuming that his busted car may even make him stop cheating. But that is not actually what she says. What she actually says is that maybe next time maybe he will think about his wrecked car and then go ahead and cheat anyway. That's dumb.

And what it shows is a complete lack of respect and understanding of a couple of other simular phrases. 1 - Look before you leap - the purpose of looking being that you can see what is below you and plan your landing accordingly. Know what you are getting into. Not so that you can avoid it, but so that you can do it better. 2 - Think before you speak - the purpose of thinking being so that when you actually do speak (which if perfectly fine for you to do), your words are well chosen. Go ahead - Leap! Speak! just get knowledge so that you can do them both well. Think before you cheat does not fit into this pattern at all. Miss Underwood is certainly meaning to say that he should go ahead and cheat in the future, but to do it with more thought and care so that his car doesn't get trashed again. And yet, that is exactly what she does say.
That's dumb.

notes to myself

2011-04-01T23:45:00.002-06:00

replace the lost pillow - the one you are using in the "meantime' isn't that good and 2 months is too long

no matter how late it is, if you are really hungry, eat something - if you don't, you will not sleep well

buy a super comfy nude bra - it isn't going to look as cute as the lacy polka dotted ones, but you need it, do not talk yourself out of this one

a walk truly can help a headache or stomach ache

you stink at getting the roots on the underside of your hair colored well when you color your own hair - try harder

eat something before going to a party - there may not be anything significant for you to eat there

persona

2011-03-31T09:26:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wondered much about how others see you? I don't mean the "what do they think of me? do I look silly? am I liked? do I fit in?" anxiety that all of us women go through. Our struggles to be liked, loved, and accepted are pervasive and nearly universal. But that's not what I am asking about today. What I am talking about is a little different. Do you ever hear your voice recorded and then think, "that's not how I sound, is it?" Or seen yourself on video and remembered the situations and conversations just a little differently than how the tape portrays? I have had these "huh" moments many times in my life, and usually I let them go very quickly. My mind gets absorbed in the everyday goings on and worries that are never in short supply. The idea that I "sound funny" when recorded is simply brushed aside as a common experience with the rest of humanity. We all sound a little different inside our own heads, right?

But for some reason, this time..... this time it stuck. Last week, I watched a short video of me shaving my husband's head for charity. (Hooray for St. Baldrick's!) and realized how different I seemed that what my experience had been. And it got me thinking. Maybe the thinking came from the fact that the next day I got to go for an 8 hour drive to Kansas for a funeral and then present myself to people that I hardly knew. Maybe my mind is just finally ready to start dealing with this part of me. I don't really know.

I asked Corey the other night what 3 words other people would probably use to describe me. His answer was: Outgoing, Intelligent, and Warm Hearted. We also talked about how I have a rather "dusky" voice and tone that give off the vibe of confidence. But I am, in fact, not very confident at all. Outgoing? yes. Friendly? you bet. Assured? ha! I actually find myself straining at the seams of my own insecurities and vulnerability. So often I am so unsure of my own ability to express myself and be known. Self-doubt becomes a tendency to repeat myself, to clarify, and to seek out external validation. I know all of that is going on inside of me now. That's huge for me. And it has taken a long time to get me to even this point.

Then I start to wonder about what happens when all of these things collide. What happens when the confidence I unwittingly give off gets mixed in with the compensation for my self-doubt? Pushy, overbearing, manipulative, know-it-all, demanding. Ick. Ick. Ick. Certainly this is not how I seem to all people at all times. I get that. The pessimism is not so bad as to think that I am that pervasively unattractive. But knowing this clears up some confusion in my life. I know that people have felt at times (my husband included) that they are being subjected to these things from me. But I was always exceedingly confused by the idea of it. Because none of these things come from the vulnerable side that I walk with every moment of every day. The "me" I know is different..

So, what does it all mean? I am not really sure yet. For now what it means is that I am far more aware that people are likely to perceive me as more confident than I am. That being known is an uphill battle. That maybe my outside and my inside are not as matched as I thought. That maybe I need more grace and patience both with myself and with everyone else.

2011-03-29T08:37:00.001-06:00

Today is the day that "Tangled" is released on DVD.
Buy it!

no pain

2011-03-28T13:34:00.000-06:00

we women do some very strange things for our health and beauty
I am no exception - poor men do not get it
want to know some of my favorites?
- dry body brushing
- mud masks
- honey and olive oil hair treatments
- plucking. oh so much plucking
- nail stickers on my toesies

sprung

2011-03-20T15:50:00.000-06:00

How I can tell that spring has sprung

1- I just washed my own car in my driveway, barefoot. It's still a little dirty, but an entire winter's worth of dirt is a lot to get off in one go.

2- The hyacinth bulbs in my window are growing. Yay!

3- Seed starting!!!

4- my grass needs to be watered. it is turning green in places

5- my strawberries, parsley, and chives are greening up already

6- open windows

That is all for now

earrings

2011-03-17T22:12:00.000-06:00

is it 3 strikes you're out or 3rd time is a charm?
I guess we will find out, won't we?

My ears were pierced first when I was 10 years old. And it did not go great. they hurt and were irritated for months and months. And then I finally took out the earrings for like a day and the back of one of them closed up. There was no way super-sensitive Daphne was going to be letting anyone go pushing an earring through my inflamed, trying to heal skin. No ma'am. Not gonna happen. So my mom told me I would have to wait until I turned 13. And I did wait. I waited much longer than necessary. I waited until I was 21.

21 years old. Married for a year. Just graduated with my bachelor's degree in psych. a grown up. getting my ears pierced again. And it lasted much longer than the first time, over a year, in fact. It lasted until some point after my oldest son was born. I don't know when I took my earrings out. I do know why, though. Having a baby pulling on my ears was less than pleasant. The ears needed a fighting chance against the teeny tiny fingers of pain. Out they came. I figured that the nearly 18 months of pierced-ness would guarantee my tiny ear holes would stay in place, existing into my old age.

But no. It was not to be. My very rebellious right ear needed closure. Well, partial closure at least. Another closed back. Yay? Boo!

And then I waited. Again. Or maybe just resigned myself to the idea that maybe I simply needed to focus more energy on shoes or hair or something. I figured that my ears had probably both closed completely, a small chunk of subdermal scar tissue my only lasting remnant of my misguided adventures in this particular womanly ritual, the wearing of earrings.

Then a couple days ago, I was avoiding laundry and decided to see if I could get an earring into the hole, no problem. The right? Not so much. But I didn't give up, oh no, I did not give up. Out came a very sharp pin and then eventually a rather sharp pin. Studs have been placed neatly into my ears and are staying there for the foreseeable future. Will it last? Will I get to wear a pair of beautiful earrings on my 30th birthday in a couple years? Your guess is as good as mine. In the meantime, I am taking donations to my earring collection.

Spring

2011-03-17T13:17:00.000-06:00

Has this seemed like a strange winter to anyone else? At least here in the foothills of the Rocky Mountians, we have not had the beautiful fluffy white snow permeating our lives as it often does. We have had plenty of cold, frigid even, days and icy roads making life miserable at times. Yet the feet of snow was kept at bay. The forecasters always seemed to think that we would get more than we ever did. Snow days are much less fun when there is just sheet ice.

And now we sit on the burgeoning edge of spring, waiting in eager expectation for our chance to go barefoot once again. To get our hands dirty and watch as God turns our part of the world green and warm. This precipice seems to test my patience and bring nostalgia. The wind still howls down the hills and through my yard, bringing neither snow nor thundershowers. The sunshine is deceptive, luring me outside then allowing a blast of cold to drive me back to the warmth of my coffee cup inside. And so we wait. With layered clothes on. I will wear a warm hat on my head and flip-flops on my painted toes. I will buy seeds to plant in a sunny window so that they can wait with me for their chance to go outside too.

brilliance!

2011-03-14T16:32:00.000-06:00

Today, I decided to change the polish on my toesies.
This activity requires the removal of the old stuff, which usually means that there will be little bits and flecks of lint from whatever I use to rub it off. Toilet paper, paper towels, cotton balls. Whatever. This time, brilliance hit my little brain. There must be a better tool! Makeup wedges! I have a bunch of them under my sink (that I never use anymore, thanks to Bare Minerals). I gave them a try, and guess what? Best method ever. The wedge does not absorb the nail polish remover like paper products do, instead holding on to it nicely. I could even squish it into my nail to get the remover directly on. And 1 wedge was more than enough to get all the nail polish off of all 10 tootsies.

Oh, and the new color was a lime green for spring.
(and apparently St. Patrick's day, even though I hadn't planned that)

2011-03-09T08:41:00.001-07:00

I thought I was better. It was 4 beautiful days of feeling "better", feeling like I could get a few things done. Like I might be climbing out of the pit of illness and into the land of the living.

And then my eye got all ouchie and red, and my throat started feeling scratchy and my sinuses got tight. Yesterday, after a couple days of creeping icky feelings, I went back to the doctor. It was exactly 2 weeks since I had been there last and had been told "you have influenza."

But this time it was different. This time, it's strep.

Awesome. Just what I wanted. I was getting tired of the breathing and doing stuff anyway. Who needs that when you can have quarantine and penicillin, chicken broth and jello, tissues and tylenol? Can I be done now?

influenza

2011-02-23T20:56:00.001-07:00

In case you were wondering how I am attacking my new friend, the influenza virus, I will let you know.
Tamiflu
Veramyst
Black Elderberry Syrup
hydrogen peroxide drops in my ears
sinus rinses
lots of baths
tylenol
Breathe Right strips
rest, fluids
love
lots of tissues.

2011-02-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

never before in my life have I thought to myself, "self - maybe you should have got the flu shot". and yet here I am, miserable as all get out, achy and exhausted, not getting better, wishing that I had let some nurse wielding a needle inject me with some mystery serum just so that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel this awful.

Disney Cruise Trip - cousin lovin

2011-02-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering, we were not alone on this fab trip. We were accompanied by Grandma Joni and Grandpa Randy (the very generous ones who paid for the trip), Grandma Sue, Aunt Heidi, Uncle Scott, and cousins Jack and Lucy.

Jack and Seth had much fun together on the beaches.

and is there anything sweeter than this?

I think this is Jack saying "cheese." :)

Aunt Daphne getting some Lucy love.

Lucy was adorable clapping for the show on the walls at Animators Palate.

And this little princess had her daddy walking in the water with for for a very long time.

Jack and Seth waiting to see "Villains Tonight"

We love them!

Disney Cruise Trip - days 5 &6

2011-02-21T09:37:00.001-07:00

Day 5 was a calm day at sea. Doesn't Wyatt look chill?

Dinner that evening was at "Animator's Palate." The walls of the room changed as dinner progressed.

Eventually, screens were revealed and characters from Finding Nemo started to swim around. Crush even started talking to us. He specifically addressed Seth (the "little dude in the orange shirt") and asked him about his day, even responding to the things Seth said. It was pretty neat, and we still aren't sure exactly how they do it. Disney magic, I suppose.

Before we headed to the airport on day 6, after leaving the ship, we went to Downtown Disney back in Orlando. There was much shopping and wandering around. Seth and I were just starting to get sick, so we were a bit out of it. It was a lovely morning, though. We had lunch at Planet Hollywood. No, I didn't take a picture of that.

Finding Buzz and Mr. Potato Head was super exciting for both of the boys.

Cheesy photo opp for mommy.

Disney Cruise Trip - the Rainforest at Senses Spa

2011-02-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

When we got on board the ship, Corey sweetly offered for me to indulge in some spa treatments. I immediately chose to have something called the "Travelers Tension Package" - a back/shoulder/neck massage, hydrating facial, and calf/foot massage combo. It was lovely (though it would have been lovelier if the boat hadn't cast off while I was in there. the lack of visual information is probably what triggered the initial seasickness). I also chose to get a pass for the trip to the exclusive "Rainforest" in the spa, an area of quiet relaxation, saunas, steam rooms, aromatherapy rain shower experiences, and cucumber water. Yes, please.

The tile on these seats is heated. So cozy.

These hot tubs actually had a very odd bottom that forced you to recline and relax.

I don't think I have ever seen another sauna with a view like this.

3 of the 4 shower experiences. Each one had 3 different settings, combinations of lights, scents, sounds, hot and cold mists, showers, downpours, drips, etc.

Disney Cruise Trip - day 4 - dinner date at Remy

2011-02-20T15:45:00.000-07:00

My sweet love surprised me with a dinner date at Remy, the adult-only French restaurant on board, on the day after Valentine's Day. It had been 10 years since our first date.

But first we had to feed the kids and get them to their activities.

Chaos in a small room.

Wy really really wanted to get into his playroom.

It was a beautiful evening with a lovely sunset.

The red thing on my wrist was my way of participating in "pirate night."

There were fireworks off the ship later in the evening after a big pirate party.

Our table

My first course - a tomato course. Tomatoes served 4 ways. This one was my favorite way.

Corey's smoked bison appetizer.

I completely forgot to take picture of many of the other courses. There was an amuse bouche of ratatouille to start. A champagne cocktail, Corey's lobster in vanilla bisque, my yummy fish, our Australian wagyu beef. Sorry, too busy eating them to take pictures.

but then there was a cheese course

I had to try a little of each.

Corey got the dessert that I wish I could have tried.

It was dark chocolate and peanut buttery goodness with gold leaf on top.

I had the lemony one.

It was good, but with a few too many candied lemon chunks inside.

Thankfully, then they brought out the final course - homemade candies.

A very happy and special evening.

Disney Cruise Trip - day 4 - Castaway Cay

2011-02-20T13:45:00.001-07:00

Disney has a private island. I think I would have been happy to just stay there the whole trip.

It was very pretty and very peaceful.

Seth collected shells all morning for sandcastles.

The shells did stay at the beach when we left.

Wy says "cheeeeeese"

My hunky love near his natural habitat.

Yes, I am posting a picture of me in a bathing suit.

We had so much fun in the sand.

Wy was looking for "treasure."

Great Grandma Sue, under a palm tree, diet coke in hand.

Sweet memories are made of such things.

Disney Cruise Trip - day 3 - Nassau

2011-02-20T10:31:00.001-07:00

Pulling into the dock at Nassau (before we knew there was a fire on the warf that would slow our day by a few hours)

But eventually we made it to Atlantis

Pretty, huh?

The boys loved playing in the lagoon. Clear calm water. Tiny fishes to chase.

Sandcastles to be built.

Valentine's Day dinner was "dress-up night."

And all my boys were so handsome.

Disney Cruise Trip - day 2 - the Dream

2011-02-19T19:19:00.001-07:00

The next day it was time to board the Disney Dream

Doesn't Seth seem happy?

Wy was too, though I am not sure he knew what we were doing.

This light was massive and even more glittery than it looks.

Multiple water slides on the ship, including the Aquaduck, part of which extended off of the ship and over the ocean.

They had a sail away party. I took a picture as I walked toward the spa.

Dinner the first night was in the Enchanted Garden.

Don't let the smile fool you, I was seasick.

I got over the seasickness eventually.

Disney Cruise Trip - day 1 - the Magic Kingdom

2011-02-19T16:13:00.003-07:00

This boy here, I love him so much!

He surprised me with his bravery and dance moves.

He rode all the "mountains" at the Magic Kingdom.

Yes, Space Moutain too.

Parades are so fun :)

Seth and I before his first mountain, my favorite

Big Thunder Mountain

Setharoo loves Grandma Sue

And Wywy loved Dumbo. He wanted to do it "again" - we did not brave the line for a second time

encouraged again

2011-02-10T11:40:00.001-07:00

2 Cor 12:8-10

For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

encouraged

2011-02-09T16:35:00.003-07:00

the first of many verses that I will be sharing as God works my heart through the physical pain he has allowed in my life

1 Peter 5:10
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

Hurley is 1

2011-02-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

These pics were actually taken a couple months ago. Hurley-boy is one year old as of yesterday. And at about 93 lbs, he still has a bit of growing left to do and a whole lot of puppy energy left in him.

Cuddling up on the sofa with everyone is his new favoriote pasttime. He likes to get super close.

withdrawl

2011-02-08T08:49:00.001-07:00

In submission to my caring and thoughtful husband, I am taking a couple days off of crocheting.
My left shoulder has been excruciatingly painful for 6 days now, and no amount of stretching, heat, baths, or anti-inflammatory meds have made any sort of difference.
So we will try to rest it from the tiny repetitive motion that makes such lovely things.
I'll let you know how it goes.

new addiction

2011-02-07T22:40:00.002-07:00

crochet - a skill learned at age 12 in a rather informal 4H type class while at "cottage" school
for 15 years, it was an very occasional hobby, mostly picked up when I felt like making a simple scarf for someone or was mad and needed to do something with my hands other than the dishes (I am almost never mad enoug to want to do dishes).

and then I wanted a hat.
so I contacted a knitter friend about making me a hat.
and she introduced me to Ravelry
and now I have a new addiction.

I can follow patterns now. It has been about a month or so.
I have made fingerless gloves, many hats, flowers, leaves, cabled scarves, baby booties, etc.
I am addicted to yarn. I want a stash.
Husband is worried that the pain that has been relentlessly tormenting my left shoulder is due to my new dear old friends, yarn and hook.
Would they betray me so? I hope not.
I may post pics as I make stuff.
Though most of you are friends on FB and could just see them there.

best ev-ah broccoli salad

2011-01-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

broccoli
celery
onion
craisins
almonds
feta
bacon
dressing - mayo+honey+apple cider vinegar+salt and pepper

2011-01-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

ok. enough complaining.
what should we talk about next?
new years resolutions? nah. boring
work out routines? nuh uh
politics? the weather? menstrual cramps? reality tv? giant firebreathing guinea pigs hellbent on turning jelly beans into furniture polish while hacking into slot machines? hmmm... I think that one sentance there may be enough to blog on for about 4.7 months, but really, who wants to take the easy route?

lets talk about shoes!
shoes are fun!
I like shoes!
and I really really like red shoes!
and I would put up pictures of red sandals from brands like Sofft and Clarks if I could figure out how to get said pictures from Zappos and show them to you here. But I can't be that tech savvy. Sorry. Sucky blogger here. But, I will tell you what, if you want to send me a pair of red shoes (size 10, thanks), I promise that I will post a picture of them with my feet happily enjoying their beautiful redness with a shout out to you for being a super awesome person who understands and indulges my love of red shoes.
;)

health

2011-01-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

It seems to be quite the puzzle, figuring out my health. It is exausting for me and probably for many of the people around me. And part of my exaustion may be this - I am not a details person. I love the big picture and to make the details work while I fly by the seat of my pants. So making appointments and filling out paperwork, remembering every question and concern is a weight of responsibility that makes my mind spark and grind like a fork in a blender. I am now at the point where I just wish that they would find something, anything just to have an answer. But I know it doesn't often work that way. A healthy body and life is a marathon for me. I think I am getting annoyed with the concept of "variant on normal" - essentially this is doctors' way of saying that something is a little off, but they aren't going to help you. boo

books

2011-01-05T08:37:00.001-07:00

A friend recently asked a question on facebook, wondering if printed books would become obsolete due to the popularity of Kindles. My response -

"I sure hope not. Kindles don't smell right. And they don't fill bookshelves with beautifully unique spines, sentinals of memory, each contianing 1 precious new world we have visited. Books patiently stand guard side by side, filled with sto...ries and people, emotions and truimphs, lessons that can be brought to the heart just by picking up the book, feeling the familiar weight and texture. Books stand both together and alone. When you pick out and open a book, you make a singular choice, a commitment to youself to read only it while it is in your hand. Certianly there is a use for e-readers. The convenience of travelling without needing to fill one's suitcase with dozens of books is very convenient. But books in every day life are not meant to be purely convenient. Most books have not been written in such a way as television shows, catching one's interest early to keep them from changing the channel. Books by their nature are somewhat inconvenient, often forcing the reader to suspend judgement and give the author their time and attention for long enough to allow a story to build, slowly drawing us in without concern for our now short attention spans. Reading is both an enjoying activity and a discipline. I would hate to think of it being summarily cheapened by doing away with the discipline aspect."

2010-12-20T17:23:00.001-07:00

I just learned that I have a wheat allergy.
I am freaking out.
That is all.

why baths are better than showers

2010-12-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

- much quieter
- bath salts
- bubbles
- you can't read a book in the shower
- movies on the laptop on the counter are much easier to watch without a shower curtain or glass door in the way
- lounging in the shower doesn't work nearly as well
- food and drinks get soggy or watery when you try to consume them while showering
- much easier to shave your legs in the bath
- warm water evenly touching everywhere, peaceful simplicity
- incense or candles work better without splashy water'
- rubber duckies

2010-12-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

oh, how I hate my sin. I think that I get used to it sometimes. The seemingly small selfishness, pride, my quick tempered, and doubt. Each day I know is a struggle to overcome them, to repent sooner, to turn my eyes upon Jesus. But I think that the constant nature of the battle with my flesh can become less concerted than it ought to be. Then I fight with kid gloves, pulling my punches. Sadly, I have found that when I allow myself to be lazy like this, I get blindsided by the magnitude of what I have allowed in my heart. Inevitably, my sin will find its' way into the forefront of my actions and make itself obvious both to myself and to those around me. Praise God that He made it so. That my sins do find me out when I let my selfishness get out of control. Praise Him that He has placed people in my life who love me too much to make excuses for my flesh. Praise Him that He has given me a place for repentance and that His mercy does not run out on me. I am so thankful that He allows me to start a new day fresh and clean, washed in His blood and His love, that I am no longer a slave to my sin and can run far from it.

ache

2010-12-02T18:08:00.005-07:00

I am in a minority. A rather small one. An American christian who doesn't celebrate christmas. No, I am not Jewish, Muslim, or Jehovah's Witness. I am someone who is saved by God's grace through the sacrifice of His precious Son, Jesus. I am absolutely in awe and amazement that He would want anything to do with me, let alone love me with so great a love. I am called to a life of falling in love with and growing into the knowledge of Him.

This time of year is always a little difficult on me. Not because I in anyway doubt my convictions or miss the old traditions of my childhood. Rather, I find the constant reminders of christmas to be grating to my heart and my soul.

By now you are probably wondering, if you haven't already heard me talk about it at some other point in time, "Why in the world do you not celebrate christmas?"
Here is the long and short of it. I know that Scripture tells us how we are to worship God. In spirit and in truth. It also tells us to be in the world, but not of the world; not to reject God's commandments to keep men's traditions; and that God does not accept any idolatry as worshipful, even if we claim to be using it "for Him." (if you need some examples of these cases in Scripture, let me know, I would be glad to expound). So, where does that leave this girl who knows that what God requires in my relationship with Him is holiness and purity (and I certainly bring plenty of sin in with me all on my own to be cleansed)? What to do when faced with the knowledge that I live in a world full of men's traditions, idolatry, greed, pagan associations and worldliness? Do I try to "fix" it all? Do I compromise? In certain ways, I probably do walk the very thin line of being in the world, but not of the world. In fact, I slip into far too much worldly sin in my life. It's icky. I know that He wants me pure. I know it. And the very idea of it is overwhelming. How could I ever become what he wants me to be?

I don't know the end of that story. I don't know if I will ever submit myself to Him in the pure love and complete devotion that He is worthy of. My heart aches to type that, because my spirit knows that He deserves only the best. So I have to try. I have to try to give Him the most pure and holy offerings I can. So, while the world I live in is tainted, misguided, and twisted; my relationship with God is where I choose to start making as true and clean as possible. I can only do my best with what I know. For me, that means that my worship of God does not include anything with ties to paganism, even "christianized" versions of them. It means no christmas or easter (though we often remember His great sacrifice through communion and studying the Scriptures telling of His whole life here). No trees, no bunnies, no baskets, no wreaths, no yule logs, no caroling, no "Merry Christmas," no Santa, no reindeer, no strings of lights or ornaments. If He thought that those ways were the most holy, the purest and best ways to honor Him, I think He would have told me. He certainly has told me a LOT of thing that I can do to please Him. I can study His word, pray both in understanding and in the Holy Ghost, I can fellowship with his people, sing hymns and spiritual songs, I can serve those around me, give Him thanks, and submit myself to the obedience of His Word. I am told that I should be baptized in Jesus' name and take communion often in remembrance of Him. (this is just the short list)

So, I will do those things to celebrate Him in my life. Every season. Because He deserves even more than that.

This is why December is always grating to me. When I see this mixture "celebrating" Jesus together with the traditions of men, my heart aches. Because people, even Christians, just don't want to see God as holy and deserving of our best and our obedience. Or they simply don't care about what pseudo-spiritual compromises they bring with them before God. It is a deep ache in my heart. Not an anger or a condemnation, just grief.

Sensory Integration Disorder

2010-12-01T16:54:00.003-07:00

I totally have it.
Do you?
find out if maybe you do here

I must be a bizarre person, because when it comes to all of my random physical anomolous issues, I want them to be named. I know a lot of people don't like to be labelled, but I feel like naming an issue takes it out into the light, where it is less scary and mysterious. Hi, I am Daphne and I have a whole lot of things going on with my body. And many of them are painful. But they are not me. They have their own names. And I get to keep mine.

personality

2010-11-19T17:46:00.002-07:00

I just took an online personality test that gave these as my top 10 traits (out of 90):

Passionate
Intellectual
Sympathetic
Friendly
Accessible
Outspoken
Warm
Tender
Conscientious
Organized

I think that just about sums me up. :)

list of things Hurley has eaten or destroyed in his first 3 weeks

2010-09-19T20:39:00.002-06:00

leather teva sandals

kids stride rite shoes

green leather clarks sandals

a big chunk out of a cantelope (including rind)

garden hose

frog baby toy

stuffed chipmunk arm

stuffed pig dog toy

Kong Wubba (and the straps of another)

poopy water from a little boy who forgot to flush (way TMI, I know)

basketball

mesh pocket in the trunk of the FJ

leash

mulch

a shrub

Everything

2010-09-18T09:12:00.008-06:00

It has now been a full month since I last blogged.

So what have I been up to?

1. Becoming a soccer mom

(he scored the only goal for his team in his first game!)

2. Enjoying the end of summer with my crazy little boys

a bit of road rash for my tough 2 year old

he really was having fun in the sprinklers

backyard camping with Dad

3. Sernding my 1st baby to Kindie

this means so many things - show and tell, cursive homework (yes, cursive for a 5 year old), volunteering, carpool, room mom meetings/party planning.

4. Seeing Sheryl Crow and Colbie Callait at Red Rocks with Sabrina (sorry, no pics)

5. Seth turned 5! B-day party was super fun, but so busy that again no pics.

6. Hurley

Hurley is the new addition to our family. He is now 7 months old. He is an adorably huge Newfoundland pup that we adopted from

Big Dogs Huge Paws

Hurley hanging with Dakota who we were babysitting one evening recently.

Yes, I chopped and colored my hair - it may be a form of ADD

There is probably more.

I will try to let you know.

the continued coffee experiment saga

2010-08-18T09:50:00.002-06:00

canned dulce de leche

it is good

half & half + sweetened consensed milk +whole milk + vanilla + dulce de lecha = a concoction that puts Coffeemate to shame.

no artificial aftertaste
no corn syrup (just good ol' sugar)
no wierd hydrogenated oils
no artificial flavors

yay

coffee experiment take 2

2010-08-05T09:13:00.003-06:00

added more beans to the grinder this morning (maybe too many) - definately stronger

added more sweetened consensed milk to the mixture. better. still not as sweet as Coffeemate, but that may not be a bad thing. I think I also miss the lovely artificial vanilla flavor. Vanilla extract does not seem to have the same charm. This recipe seems to make something akin to "Original" flavored creamer.

coffee experiments - take 1

2010-08-04T13:26:00.002-06:00

grinding coffee makes it smaller, therefore you must use significantly more beans than you would grinds or else you have weak coffee.

half and half + milk + sweetened condensed milk + vanilla = yummy. but needs more sweetened condensed milk.

So many activities for kids!

2010-08-03T11:32:00.003-06:00

How to choose???

Piano?
Soccer?
Gymnastics?
Dance?
Swimming?

2010-08-02T09:37:00.001-06:00

why does food taste so much better at 9 at night than 9 in the morning?

more coffee talk

2010-08-01T13:49:00.002-06:00

I think I am going to make my own coffee creamer. Milk+Half &Half+Sweetened Condensed Milk+Vanilla extract. Wish me luck.

coffee talk

2010-07-31T09:02:00.004-06:00

I recently got a new coffee maker. It is a Cuisinart and I like it a lot. It has a gold filter, which means that I don't have to purchase paper filters. It does however allow more of the oils from the coffee beans in the coffee itself, which changes the flavor just a bit. There is also a study out that says that regularly drinking any un-paper-filtered coffee can cause cholesterol problems. This means french press, gold filter and espresso. I am not sure if one study is enough to make me care about this much. And as I do not have a cholesterol problem at the moment, I don't think I am going to switch back in the immediate future.

Next issue - creamer. I really like creamer in my coffee. And I have tried a lot of them. The results?

Coconut = icky and fake
Vanilla = yummy
Caramel = way to thickly sweet
Hazelnut = depends on the brand. Coffeemate is better than the off brands in general. However, the additional oil in the coffee now when combined with the hazelnut flavor gives the impression of buttered corn. Not yummy.
Honey Vanilla Creme = just plain wrong. good in theory, bad in mouth
Italian Sweet Cream = a nice alternative to Vanilla. not too strong
Skinny vanilla latte = too light
So Delicious Coconut Creamers (not coconut flavored) = yummy but less creamy. need to add milk or half and half.
White Chocolate = only good in iced coffee when mixed with milk. In all other applications, too sweet.
Cinnamon = overwhelming
Chai = just plain wrong too. Chai + coffee is bad bad bad.

I am not a fan of Irish Cream or Amaretto, so I am not willing to waste my time with them .

I generally only purchase organic coffee, which means that the hypocrisy is poured in my cup every morning.

Where to go from here.? Don't know.

2010-07-30T22:30:00.000-06:00

I really really really want an In-N-Out burger right now.
Too bad I live so very far away from them....

2010-07-30T11:25:00.002-06:00

I think that I may have figured out why I don't like showering first thing in the morning. It is too much information. Too loud, to many streams hitting my body, to much movement. I find it exausting for my sensitive self. I have always been a very sensory person. When I was a child, I would get upset if my socks weren't lined up properly on my feet because they would irritate me. I startle extremely easily. I find showers to be startling. And so I usually choose to shower at other times of the day. Which is fine. And really none of this is a big deal.

2010-07-29T14:18:00.000-06:00

I am now addicted to Doctor Who.
I admit it.
I think it may be eating up all of my reading time.

2010-07-18T20:56:00.001-06:00

this woman
takes amazing pictures
and I like her

this morning

2010-07-14T09:44:00.002-06:00

snuggling with my honey
early walk/jog
yoga with a mountain view
coffee
chat with honey as he got ready for work
good parenting talk with 4 year old about contentment

surely something terrible is going to happen now

things I love about you, Seth

2010-07-13T09:06:00.002-06:00

- your affectionate nature
- your openness and honesty
- how inquisitive you are. you want to figure out everything.
- how much you want to help
- your sensitive heart
- your willingness to repent, both to God and to us
- how you dive wholeheartedly into whatever you are doing
- you make me smile with your goofiness
- you thank me for the food I make you, even when you don't like it
- your love of Jesus
- your love of learning

the chronicles of hairnia

2010-07-11T15:52:00.001-06:00

my hair now has pink. what do you think?

this little girl

2010-07-11T15:43:00.004-06:00

is one of my favorite girls of all time.

(even if she isn't mine)

when I was a little girl, I used to pray and pray for a little sister with red hair, like Madeline from the books. ("In and old house in Paris, that was covered in vines, lived 12 little girls in 2 straight lines"). it is probably the one thing in my life I prayed most consistently for. I didn't get one. 2 sisters, yes. Red hair, fraid not. But then God brought me Ty and her sweet Tatti. And I love her to pieces.

grocery thoughts

2010-07-09T22:20:00.002-06:00

who decided that gum should come in extrememly bright neon packages?? what is it that made someone first think that people would buy more gum if it was extra especially noticable? candy isn't like that. candy is usually packaged according to what it looks like. brown if it is chocolate, colorful if it is skittles. but gum is generally whitish, no matter the flavor. occasionally there are specks or greenish tint, but certainly not neon to the extreme that the packaging would have us believe.

also, why is there lots of organic bread, but never organic bagels?

Twilight Part 8 - Bree Tanner

2010-07-09T21:24:00.002-06:00

Short and sweet and sad, Bree Tanner was everything I expected it to be. More sophomoric writing from the primadonna Ms. Meyer, who can't manage to finish off Midnight Sun because the leak in the first draft of several chapters makes her whine like a baby....
A decent short story (which is really what it was. I don't even think that "novella" is an accurate term for such a thing, as her publisher apparently believes that large margins and large font and lots of spacing makes books seem more important than they really are. that and the fact that you can charge an arm and a leg if you put a hard cover on it...) Anyway, a decent short story. A likable main character. Naive and doomed, but insightful. Miss Bree Tanner fell in love with an attractive and friendly vamp, they have their chance to ditch Victoria's crazy scheme, but their curiosity and "innocence" get the better of them. Death, doom, glimmer of hope, death.

Twilight Part 7 - Eclipse the movie

2010-07-09T09:25:00.004-06:00

I just saw Eclipse last night.
I can't help thinking, every time that I see a Twilight movie, that the casting director must have been on some sort of drug to choose these terribly inappropriate actors to be the books beloved main characters. Why oh why couldn't we have Henry Cavill as Edward, Danielle Panabaker as Bella, and Michael Copon as Jacob? Sorry, Rob and Kristin and Taylor, I certainly think you all have your places in the world of movies. But not these movies. Rob is not good looking enough, and always looks like he is about to vomit. Kristin always seems sulky and whiny (rather than passionate and naive and growing), and Taylor looks like a (albeit muscular) little boy who needs to have his cheeks pinched and be given a cookie before being sent out to play.

train

2010-06-27T13:40:00.004-06:00

I have recently been thinking about the phrase "train up a child." Until yesterday (while vacuuming, a time when I am completely alone with my thoughts), I never really thought about how it doesn't say to "befriend", "lead" or to "set an example for" or even to "teach." I certainly think that all of these are important parts of parenting. We would be hypocrites if we never set a good example. But there must be some reason that the word "train" is used in the Scriptures.

Which made me start thinking about what it means to be a trainer. Like a sports trainer, a personal trainer, a training bra even. :)

A trainer is not just an example or a leader. You don't always do what your trainer is doing. They aren't training along with you. Instead, they get you to do what is best for you, what will get you in the best shape for your task (be it wearing a regular bra, running a marathon, or scoring a touchdown). Sometimes your trainer does have to explicitly walk along side of you, slowly showing you the motions, and you become an immediate and close follower, mimicking their every move. So much of the time, though, a trainer is watching you from a step back, analysing your form and your ability, figuring out how best to challenge and encourage and motivate you. They know when you need to rest and when you need to keep going. What to put into your body for optimal conditioning.

And so goes parenting at it's best, I believe. That is what I want to be as a parent, my child's trainer. The one who has their very best interests and growth in mind in every situation.

Red Cabinets!

2010-06-24T16:15:00.001-06:00

Those of you who have been to my house, or have seen these on facebook may feel free to ignore this post. I just happened to realize that I never did manage to put up any pictures of my finished hand-painted cabinets here at tpp.

this kid

2010-06-24T15:53:00.003-06:00

asked me out on a date a few weeks ago

we went almost immediately
how does one resist?

hormone roller coaster

2010-06-17T11:02:00.002-06:00

cry

clench

hug

hyperventilate

breathe

sigh

pray

stand up

brush off dirt

try

repeat

Karenina

2010-06-16T14:27:00.004-06:00

Having already read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies as well as Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, I was delighted to see that Quirk Books was releasing a new title, Android Karenina. Just one problem for me, though. Unlike the whole of Jane Austen's works, I have not dove into the depths of Russian literature. I haven't even really scratched the surface. No Tolstoy frame of reference for this girl.

Sometimes when I come across a dilemma such as this, I go the academic route. I read Lolita before Reading Lolita in Tehran, for instance. So not happening this time.

I picked up the Vivien Leigh version of the movie Anna Karenina and watched it yesterday. I am sure that the movie was missing much of the excellence of the book. I am not going to pretend that I think that watching a movie is the same as reading a book. In fact, usually I prefer a book. And maybe I will read the Tolstoy version eventually. But for now, I am going to stick to my Android version. Because it seems like fun.

Side note: Watching this movie was like watching Gone with the Wind set in Russia, but with a sadder ending.

flashback - california 2008

2010-06-15T08:47:00.002-06:00

Belated Birthday

2010-06-11T21:53:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago, I had a birthday.

Hence a party of many of the best women in the world.

There was a lot of sitting around the kitchen, eating and talking.

and some sitting in the living room doing the same.

just girls, no kids. eating, drinking, talking. like we do.

and later a fire outside with blankets to keep us warm and keep the sparks off of our persons

all because of this guy

2010-05-28T09:26:00.001-06:00

2010-05-28T09:26:00.000-06:00

2010-05-28T09:25:00.001-06:00

and this

2010-05-28T09:25:00.000-06:00

it also means this

2010-05-28T09:23:00.000-06:00

This right here is what having an outdoor space means to me. More pics to come!

Delta Goodrem - In This Life

2010-05-03T15:54:00.000-06:00

a favorite song of mine

2010-05-03T09:44:00.002-06:00

my favorite quote of the day came from a friend's tweet

"God cannot accept two payments for the same sin." (Tim Keller)

and yet we try, don't we? we know that Christ paid for our sins, and yet we still try to pay for them. We feel like we have to make some sort of contribution too. Which is crazy. Because we have nothing at all to give that fits the bill. And in fact, that bill is no longer available to be paid. Just because our sin is recent to us does not mean that it is recent to Him. God is in no way surprised by our sinful actions. He doesn't look at us and say, "Wow! When I payed for your sins, I never thought you would do something like THAT!" Oh, how we knew. He knew them all when he took them.

Our relationship to God is no longer about payment. It is about the one thing that we do have to offer, because it is the only thing that he gave us full ownership of when he created us. Our free will, our love, our devotion. He more than deserves them. What an amazing thing that God Himself desires us. Many of us feel "special" when a member of the opposite sex pays us attention. It makes us feel good about ourselves. I do it. Ask my husband. But it's just a little silly. Because most of us don't feel that our attention and devotion is a thing of value and worth. Why should we feel that way about others? I'll tell you why. Because God does. He desires it greatly. He wants their love too. But he wants mine just as much. And yours. Even when we think that no one wants our love, we couldn't be further from the truth. The most important Being that has ever existed, the One who made all the people who reject and hurt us, though we desperately want their acceptance does want our love. And isn't that better? Isn't that the best? Why should we weep over someone spitting on our moldy bread when there is a feast in front of us that can never be tainted or exhausted?

protecting our joy

2010-04-22T20:54:00.002-06:00

I think joy is like a plant. For some it is as established as a 50 year old tree. It doesn't need a lot of tending, because its roots are deep, its bark is thick, and its branches are full. The rain and the sun do their job and all you really have to do is rake the leaves every so often.

Most of us don't yet have joy trees.

Maybe we had a nice medium sized plant that would sometimes get hail damaged, wind whipped or a bit dried out, but with some attention it would come back nicely and bloom.

Or maybe our life has been stripped down to the dirt a bit. Torn up and raw. Then what do you do? You may ignore it. You may just assume that you are going through one of those dried out times and not realize that your plant is long gone. And you might wait. and wait. and wait. for the sun and the rain to do their jobs.

But sun and rain don't work without a seed.

I believe in many ways we are what we think. We become what we purpose and practice to become.

(Now, I am in no way saying that a person in such a situation has lost their faith or trust in God. I am saying that sometimes we are willing to work through our bad stuff, trudge through the ickyness, stand up in wind and rain and waves. But so often we do it gritting our teeth the whole way through.)

So WE need to plant our joy seeds in the freshly tilled soil of our broken hearts. God provides an abundance of joy seeds, both physical and spiritual. But, gentleman that He is, he won't force Himself where He isn't wanted. Plant a seed. Think about it. Think about what makes you joyful or happy or fun. Anticipate the immediate growing season of joy. Think thoughts that are "whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise." Look for things to anticipate in your life. And if you really can't find any, you better both get on your knees asking for better eyes and then get on your feet making some. Because it is there. And it is especially there when we serve others. When we are able to participate in the joy of others, our seed is nourished.

But we can't stop with just the planting part.

Any of us who have ever gardened know that seedlings are super vulnerable. They can't handle the tough stuff that comes it's way. That's why they are often so very protected.

We are told to be "bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." And one way that we can be obedient to Christ? He tells us one of the many things that he wants. "that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full."

Thoughts of joy, plans of joy, service of joy, acts of joy, anticipation of joy. Look for it! Think on it! Grow it!

It certainly is work. And not necessarily work that I can say I am well practiced at yet. But I know I have a joy plant. And I intend on protecting it.

2010-04-22T12:23:00.001-06:00

ok, so I realize that the last post was a bit disjointed, rambling, confusing, and incomplete in thought. and I don't really feel like fixing it at this point. So I am moving on. ok?

proof - and Glee - and Madonna

2010-04-20T22:30:00.003-06:00

watching Glee tonight, I listened to the boys sing "What it feels like for a girl" by Madonna. This is a song that I have heard before, but never payed any attention to except for the chorus. So imagine my surprise at hearing the lyrics echo exactly what I was saying in my previous post!

Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading

Now, don't get me wrong, I like my men to be manly. I had a boyfriend in college who totally creeped me out with his love of scented lotion and lip gloss. So not ok with me. I fully believe in gender roles to a certain extent. I believe that God made us different, male and female, for a reason. But part of the issue here is not just that there is is sense that it is unnatural to be acting like the other gender in some way (though those lines have certainly blurred a LOT in the last 100 years, as I type here with my jeans on). The thing that I have decided to find insulting about all of this is the idea that "being a girl is degrading." That ordering a vanilla latte or a appletini is associating yourself not just to something that is different from a man, but LESS than a man. And the pride/misogyny issue in proving one's man-ness is so not ok with this girl. Be a man! Please, do! But don't for a second think that being a woman is any less God ordained, meaningful, important, or worthwhile. Women-ness is NOT degrading.

Patio-ga

2010-04-19T21:24:00.002-06:00

problems I have with yoga:

1. Downward Facing Dog - I think in classes, most instructors spend WAY too much time in this pose. It hurts my wrists and makes me dizzy to do it too much.

2. All the creepy new agey stuff. Can't a girl just get a good stretchy workout without funky spiritualish crap? Let me have my spirituality on my own terms with my Lord rather than yours.

3. I want to do the poses at my speed, rather than the instructors.

So, what's a girl to do?
Patio-ga

I have a beautiful new patio with a tremendous view, a mat, and the internet (along with a mind full of many instructors words on proper form and technique). So, I am doing it on my own. I have created a series/flow that is doable for a beginner to intermediate person. I imagine it will grow and change as I get more capable. But it works for now. And I am open for visitors if anyone I know wants to join me. Free Patio-ga with a view and a personal instructor who cares, even though she is self training. :)

proof

2010-04-19T21:11:00.003-06:00

Why is it that men think that they have to "prove" their man-ness?
I am not talking about the specifics of what crazy things they may say or to for this point, but I really would like to know why this is rare point in which the insecurity of a male seems to outweigh that of us women. I have had many many insecurities and fears in my life. Am I special? Am I worthy? Am I lovable? Am I beautiful? The list could go on for days, really. And I have certainly wondered even about being a good woman. But I don't think that I ever have wondered at my ability to be a woman. For me, it would be like wondering at my ability to be let my heart beat or my lungs to breathe. It is so ingrained in myself that I couldn't get rid of it and continue to live. How could I be anything but? And yet ....men...... many men do want to prove that they are "good" men, but the desire to prove that they ARE men at all seems to be attached to it, hovering in the background or under the surface.

I guess I won't ever really know the inner workings of men. Probably because my womanishness would never allow it. and that's ok with me. I am thankful, though, to know that there is one area where I am not the most insecure person in the world.

favorite quote of the day

2010-04-19T21:09:00.000-06:00

"His Alexia was rather strapping. He preferred her that way. Undersized women reminded him of yippy dogs." - Gail Carriger, Changeless

2010-04-01T18:46:00.001-06:00

today I managed to eat 2 Popsicles, a quarter of an avocado, 1/4 cup of cottage cheese, 1/2 pudding cup, and 6 oz of chicken broth. Yay me.

2010-03-31T18:48:00.000-06:00

My doctor and anesthesiologist told me that I should blog about my pessimism. But now I can't remember what it was all about. All I know is that I hurt and feel woozy.

2010-03-31T17:30:00.001-06:00

“Lord, deliver me from the urge to open my mouth when I should shut it. Give me wisdom to keep silent when silence is wise. Remind me that not everything needs to be said, and that there are very few things that need to be said by me.”

(Elisabeth Elliot)

random thought

2010-03-30T20:09:00.002-06:00

I think it is weird when drivers are disrespectful or annoyed at bicyclists who are following the law. When they say things like "they should only ever be in bike lanes" (which there are practically none of around here). If the laws say that the streets are not just for cars, then the streets are not just for cars. Even if we drivers don't like it. So there. Be nice to them. They are way more vulnerable. And they have rights.

perspective

2010-03-30T20:06:00.002-06:00

my life is somewhere in the middle.
the high middle.
I am loved by the great God.
and my husband and healthy children.
I have all of my needs more than adequately provided for.
Who am I to deserve this?
Who am I to complain?
Who am I to be unhappy?

(note: I may be singing a slightly different tune in a few days when I am in a ton of pain)

2010-03-30T15:36:00.001-06:00

Ok, so tomorrow is surgery day. and I am freaking out.

Birthday Boy eating his birthday pie!

2010-03-27T14:38:00.000-06:00

I am a Hippy Hipocrite

2010-03-24T15:09:00.002-06:00

but at least I admit it.

I use only shampoos without parabens or sulfates, but I dye my hair from a box.
I take 5 vitamins, but also 2 prescriptions every day.
I buy many things organic, try to avoid processed food and anything "fake", but I need my Coffeemate in my coffee each morning, and I bought massive amounts of frozen processed junk for my family to eat while I am recovering from surgery in April.
I recycle, but don't compost (even though I am going to be gardening).
And I am going to take a TON of painkillers when I have my tonsils out.
I turn lights off in the house, but forget to turn the computer off.
I use many all natural cleaners, but also SoftScrub.
I use eco-friendly detergent when I run my plastic in the dishwasher.
I use low-flow sprinkler heads, but I let the water run when I wash my dishes rather than filling up the sink.
I use aluminum and propylene glycol free deodorant, but face wash with benzene peroxide.
I use all-natural toothpaste, but I also whiten my teeth with mystery gel from the dentist.

So now you know. Judge if you want.

Kisses

2010-03-23T20:50:00.002-06:00

My Wyatt has FINALLY started to give me kisses!
He is an affectionate boy in many other ways. He will give high fives, hugs, cuddles, and noggins. But never kisses. He would receive them somewhat grudgingly. Most kids learn to kiss much before their 2nd b-day, some even before they turn 1. But Wywy decided he needed to wait. And I am so glad to have new affection from my almost 2 year old.

Anticipation

2010-03-20T20:43:00.000-06:00

Love

2010-03-20T20:42:00.000-06:00